A Bizarre Experience with Birth Order

Observations from Managing Partner Jen Prosek in the Leading in Volatile Times Newsletter.

At the Milken Institute Global Conference this past May, I moderated a panel of CEOs and CIOs. It was the second or third major panel about asset management that day, and I knew there would be an abundance of repetitive content.  I was obsessed with doing something different onstage to hold the audience’s attention and make them think, so I threw in a few “creative” questions.  One of those questions, toward the end of the panel, was this: “What is your birth order in your family, and how did it affect your life and career?”

This wound up being by far the most interesting part of the panel, showing yet again that adding a bit of personal content to a business discussion can be very powerful. But I didn’t expect what happened next. All five of the panelists – including me, their moderator – were the eldest child, and the stories everyone shared about grit and responsibility were very interesting.

As an oldest child and mom to an only, I was curious to dig deeper and picked up the quintessential birth order book (published originally in 1982 and updated for today) by Christian psychologist Kevin Leman. In a nutshell, the book will tell you what a quick Google or ChatGPT search will also verify:

• Firstborns are often responsible, organized, and achievement-driven. Growing up with the undivided attention of parents early on, they may feel pressure to set an example, which can lead them to become natural leaders and perfectionists. As adults, they tend to thrive in structured environments and are commonly found in leadership roles where accountability is highly valued.
• Middle children are adaptable and diplomatic. Often feeling caught between older and younger siblings, they may develop strong social and negotiation skills, seeking to carve out their own identity. These qualities make them well-suited for careers that require teamwork, mediation, or creativity, such my field of communications.
• Youngest children are often seen as outgoing, charming, and sometimes more willing to take risks. Having grown up with fewer expectations or more leniency, they may be more rebellious or imaginative, and they are frequently drawn to creative or unconventional careers in the arts, entertainment, or entrepreneurship.
• Only children, having never shared parental attention, often develop a strong sense of independence and maturity at a young age. They are typically self-motivated, conscientious, and comfortable with solitude. This makes them well-suited for careers that require focus and self-discipline.

Although these are not hard and fast rules, I found it strange and interesting that all of my panelists were first-borns.  I also found that the eldest child descriptor fit me to a T.

If you are at a dinner party, an offsite meeting for work, or any other group setting, this question is a strong “ice breaker” to get people engaged and telling stories.

I have to give full credit to my friend Ted Seides for suggesting this question at a conference he runs.  I saw the magic of it and the discussion that followed, and decided to take it on the road. Thanks, Ted!

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