The Best Version of Yourself

Observations from Managing Partner Jen Prosek in the Leading in Volatile Times Newsletter.

About a month ago, my husband and I went to dinner with a business friend and his wife. He’s someone I’ve known for years, and over time the relationship has developed into a friendship, although a long distance one. He runs a family office on the west coast, and I reside in New York.

Halfway through dinner, he suddenly popped out of his chair when he recognized someone in the restaurant. A few minutes later, he brought the man back to our table.

He was an older gentleman and clearly on his own, so we asked him to join us. We handed him a side plate, shared our pasta and wine, and he dug right in. He turned out to be an extremely interesting former entertainment mogul, now in his retirement years. We had a wonderful time hearing legendary stories, and then we all went home.

The next day, my friend sent me a note.

He explained that the man’s wife was struggling with health issues and was largely homebound. He had recently retired and was having a difficult time with the transition. That night, he had wandered into the restaurant alone simply for a change of atmosphere. He hadn’t even intended to eat.

Then my friend wrote something that stayed with me:

“I normally wouldn’t bring someone to the table when I’ve been invited out by someone else. The way you welcomed him tells me everything I need to know about why I like you so much.”

I forwarded the note to my husband and wrote, “This warmed my heart. It’s the best version of us. Let’s try to be that way always.”

I’ve thought about that moment several times since.

As a leader, and as a human being, I want to be the best version of myself. But like everyone, I’m flawed, and I don’t always live up to my own expectations. I think what matters is keeping the aspiration present: knowing the person you want to be, trying to behave like that person, and being honest with yourself when you fall short.

That evening made me double down on trying to be that person. It also reminded me of the joy that comes from making someone else happy.

Giving isn’t just for the receiver. It’s for the giver, too.

It occurs to me that being intentional about the person you want to be is a lot like a brand exercise: How do you want people to talk about you when you’re not in the room? What words do you hope they use to describe you?

I often recommend that clients develop a word cloud of the attributes they want associated with them or their brands. When I’ve done this exercise on myself, I’ve selected words like generous, energetic, creative, entrepreneurial and giving.

But choosing the words is the easy part. Living them is the work. And every interaction, particularly the ones you think don’t matter, adds another data point.

Most of us will never know exactly what people say about us when we leave the room. But we can be intentional about the person and the leader we want to be when we’re in it.

And if we do that consistently enough, hopefully the two will align.

Follow Jen’s Leading in Volatile Times Newsletter on LinkedIn.