I’ve been absolutely addicted to the Netflix show “Griselda,” which is about Griselda Blanco, the most notorious female drug lord in history. As with the main characters in many shows about anti-heroes (“Breaking Bad”, “The Sopranos”, etc.), I’m horrified by her actions and decisions – yet am also able to identify with her.
Talk about a woman in a man’s world. Talk about a trailblazer. The world she lived in could not have been more male-dominated or dangerous, with higher risks and stakes than any of us will ever see.
What makes her interesting to me is that even as she climbs the ranks, she is still a mother and a female partner. As a result, she must deal with responsibilities that men do not.
At the same time I was obsessively binging the Netflix series, my 16-year-old daughter asked me to read an essay she is writing about Virginia Woolf’s famous speech “Professions for Women.”
In the speech, Woolf laments the difficulties of being a professional woman, in her case a writer. During her lifetime, women were still expected to be charming, beautiful, and silent. They were known only as mothers or wives, not for professions of their own.
Woolf talks about killing the Angel in the House. The Angel is described as (I’m paraphrasing) “charming, utterly unselfish, excelling in the difficult arts of family life. Sacrificing herself daily and so constituted that she never had a mind or wish of her own.”
She articulates what the expectation of society was at the time: “Never let anybody guess that you have a mind of your own.” Woolf decides that to succeed as a professional woman she had to destroy that part of her. She needed to kill the Angel in the House.
It might strike people as odd to compare Virginia Woolf and Griselda Blanco. They were two women living in two different time periods with two vastly different professions and visions. But I would argue there are some similarities.
Both challenged gender norms, knew how to wield power, and had tragic endings. It’s hard not to wonder what Blanco might have done had she used her talents for more positive ends, like Woolf did.
As I think about these two women, it reminds me how lucky I am to live and lead in a time where I don’t feel like I have to kill the Angel in the House in order be successful. But I do struggle sometimes with the same things Woolf and Blanco did: how feminine to be, how not to offend men (especially if they are less successful), how to temper my ambition and not come across as aggressive or scary. And certainly, I struggle, like all professional women do, to make sure that I am equally successful as a mother as I am as an entrepreneur.
There are women all around me every day who are struggling with the same things. They could learn something from the confidence and fearlessness of Blanco and Woolf – namely, never to cower or cave when anyone, male or female, attempts to make them feel small.
I have a Jen-ism that has worked for me throughout the years. I always say, “Let Your Enemy Be Your Energy.” What it means is, when others try to put you down or make you feel small, instead of folding, use those hurtful memories as fuel. In fact, you thank them for that extra energy (as Christina Aguilera said, “thank you for making me a fighter.” Same idea).
Cuddling up on the couch to watch “Griselda” with a glass of wine was not just entertainment for me. It made me think, research, search. And pairing “Griselda” with Virginia Woolf’s “Professions for Women,” was like pairing a great meal with the perfect wine. It was an accidental amazing moment in large part thanks to my daughter’s homework assignment. Both the show and the speech are deep reminders for me to be grateful for the era I am in the circumstances in which I grew up, and to continue supporting all the great women who are strivers, entrepreneurs, and achievers.
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